This month i have:
Watching my father almost die and spend 3 weeks being confused and scared, spectre of a rest home knocking at his door. (THANK THE GODDESS I TOOK HIM HOME TODAY!)
Daily contact with my mother who is corrosive to my heart
family meetings, negotiations, shouting matches
having to hold boundaries, avoid damage, ask for help
2 girls feeling the strain and not knowing why they feel tired, grumpy, scared...
A family wedding that i just couldn't be fully present for (which i got bad marks for - judges score cards- 3, 2.5, 3)
Health scares - one passing fleetingly, the other (boob issues) looming
insomnia
stinky pits
no time to create
reaching 45
i have been down deep
like a diver who goes down meters into the ocean
the pressure around me has been immense
as i sit on this borrowed computer i think about decompression
(I have a friend who dives on oil rigs in the North Sea)
decompression
• noun 1 reduction in air pressure. 2 the process of decompressing.
i need to take time in my decompression chamber (ie: studio, bed, bath, beauty therapist, basking in the love of friends)
because i am going to avoid
decompression sickness
• noun a serious condition that results when too rapid decompression causes nitrogen bubbles to form in the tissues of the body.
at all costs
i love my life and i want to be well
