see this face
it looks smiley enough right?
nice coloured scarf...
look again.
see the grey hair?
see the wrinkles - especially those ugly and mean looking ones between the eyes - blame all those sun kissed summers on the beach if you want but there they are....
and i look in the mirror (i only look some days because i don't like what i see but i have to check and see if that bloody chin hair is back) and i am shocked at the ugly sallow old thing i have become
that is my truth
i also think i have interesting hair and clothes and not a bad body but that face... i just don't likey
and next weekend i have a high school reunion
so what?
well at school i was pretty
and now i am not
i was also full of promise - i wrote well, i was friendly, i was destined for something or other (think exotic, think interesting)
and here i am: wrinkly, 45, living in my hometown, still fighting with my mother, a stay at home mother...
on paper i am pretty boring
in the flesh i am pretty wrinkly.
and all this is being provoked by the thought of rocking up to school, to the reunion to remeet people i used to be all shiny around and having to own up to this life i have made....
i left my travel dreams for a man.
i became a job that was pretty boring because i believed the careers advisor woman (and i bloody shouldn't have)
Oh yes, i know, my lovely friends, before you jump to my defend my honour... i am making up for lost time- my creative life is rich and fulfilling and developing in exciting and yummy ways.
i have successfully made a family and marriage which isn't perfect but who the hell is.
i am being kinder and more compassionate to myself than anyone in my family has ever been.
All of which are major victories.
But they aren't much to brag about at the school reunion are they?
i would love to invent something earth changing in the next 3 days but i don't hold out much hope for that...
maybe i will just say that i invented post-its.... (and yes that is a Romy and Michelle's High School Reunion joke)
