being still so i can hear

this idea of being still has been reinforced in all sorts of ways...

this morning i got woken early and unable to go back to sleep but not wanting to disturb simon i lay there quietly and heard the world around me wake up... gentle rain, light emerging, one bird then hundreds greeting the day.

stillness gave me the gift of being with the miracle of a new day arriving. I didn't have to do anything about supporting it or shaping it, i just had to be still and the more still i was the more i could be present as it unfolded.

i am also reading "LIFE, PAINT AND PASSION. Reclaiming the magic of spontaneous expression. By Michele Cassou and Stewart Cubley.

it is a challenging book which alternately makes me want to lock myself in my painting space for a week or run and hide under the duvet

but the phrase which rang out to me last night was this

"Theories can be made one way or another about the content of your painting. .... There is an intelligence within you that is superior to any solution contrived by the mind. If yu dare follow the inner call without reservation, you are putting your trust in a reality that can never be captured by ideas or concepts. This is the challenge of creative exploration."

The mind loves theories - they are the noisy proclamations the mind can make that muddy the waters of creating.

I feel, in order to connect with the creative spirit that lives outside of me, that makes me feel like i am coming home when i am in it's presence and working through whatever it is that it delivers me, i must be quiet.

Quiet not only in the stillness of not making sounds but quiet in the head.

Not constantly asking if i have balance or what tonal values work or what my husband might say when he walks past...

none of that action and noise

what i desire is the stillness to be present to what is happening right inside me, right in front of me

then i won't be a painter with a reputation or a body of work or an income

then i will be painting

and that is what i want

trying new things and being still

(my first journal page background courtesy of art journal love letter's tutorial with Connie)

i am 45

i guess that makes me an old dog

but i am proud to say i am still trying new tricks

with Connie at DirtyFootprints Studios i am exploring more BIG painting - we are looking at balance in painting - and then exploring balance in work.....

i am also part of her ArtJournal Love Letters

With Connie and her open heart, and the members of "the tribe", i am constantly trying new things - some of them grab my heart, some of them slide right by....

I want to honour that by opening myself up in this way, i am still learning, not barricading myself up in the fort of what i already "know".

This keeps me alive.

In Big we are looking this week at space... having been so sick and feeling so weak has meant i have had to look my busy-ness in the eye...

i didn't like what i saw.

mostly i was busy scurrying around doing things for other purposes.

the driving force i have to create and learn and experiment was being elbowed to the side by duty and shoulds.

I know with my deepest wisdom that in order for me to create something truely soulshifting i need to be quiet.

i need to be in nature.

i need to relax.

and instead, all i do is bustle-bustle-bustle......

mostly to show that as a "nonworking" mother, i am still valuable.

so i say to that busy-ness "This no longer serves me".

i am committing to quiet, to creation, to honouring what is deeply moving me.

after all (and i found this quote this morning)

It is because of its emptiness that the cup is useful....