i am doing soulodge with Pixie Campbell and a whole gathering of wild and sacred women...
this week we are doing work with the plant people
and in my journey this is what i found:
Well my brain had all kinds of ideas about the plant i wanted to use for this... but my intuition and plant people had a whole other idea!
i ended up using Manuka and here is her message to me...
Manuka showed me how she is the one to step in and heal the destruction around her... she has long been undervalued and seen as "scrub" and a sign of poor land management. She was only good for firewood. She grows where little else grows. She is hardy and tenacious (that word again)... She is also the nursery plant for grander trees, kauri, totara, taraire...
Manuka is fodder for sister bee. Recently it has been discovered that Manuka honey has a unique healing property and is clinically tested (that o so important thing in land outside the intuition) to have measurable wound healing properties.
People are suddenly seeing that manuka is a way to make $$$. She is suddenly seen as valuable and no longer summararily chopped down. (i feel a little teary writing this i yearn for that valuing to happen for me)
Manuka helped me see that i am growing on scorched earth - i am repatriating ground - (i see that i am doing that by reclaiming my sacred woman/goddess self, healing generational patterns) the land i stand in is tough and these things have been hard but i am bloody well doing it!
Manuka also spreads many seeds, some come to fruition others die but enough take to make a difference. that helps me to sit with all the creative ideas that whirl through me and be comfortable with the fact that some fall away.. not all need to be successful.
She is prickly if held the wrong way- her sharp little leaves are tough - it is good that she protects herself she has a job to do and it is not to be food for others! AMEN!
She is home to many creatures, weta, ants, birds. By living into my dreams and my truth i nourish others around me... not by sacrificing myself....
I see her showing me that i too must be tenacious, and release the need to be recognised by others. She tells me that my growth is vital to healing, my self and my earth and that protecting myself is valid and right. She said "Your beauty will be seen by those who need to see it. Know that you are worthy of being cherished and of growing. You hold magic".
i will take a photo of the twig of manuka i held to show you but she is so precious to me now... ps i have just realised that manuka surrounded my grandparents bach (beach shack) a place of huge safety and wonderful memories for me...
sometimes i feel invincible, bullet proof, made of divinity
and sometimes i feel tiny and crushed and invisible like a shell that has been tumbled against the rocks and all that is left is fragments of me amoungst the sand... unnoticable undifferentiated unknowable.
sometimes i feel joyful and skip in the supermarket and smile full beam at strangers who look grey
and sometimes i see myself as a grey stranger in the mirror
sometimes i feel capable, confident and full of the wisdom that is older than me
and sometimes i just don't know what to do next.
sometimes i make things that flow through me, beauty reveals itself on the paper, the canvas the surface that makes me suck my breath in
and sometimes i make things that are shallow and empty.
sometimes i can find great depths of kindness and connection, love unfettered comes through me and to another's heart - i can feel it hit its' mark
and sometimes i just shut off like a wall.
sometimes the path is clear and i can stride on with my light shining
and sometimes it is so dark and i stumble around banging into the walls and falling on my face.
sometimes i feel the beauty of the world all around me flowing into me and the intricacy of a blade of grass fills me like a breath of light and i feel so blessed
and sometimes the world and its' meannesses are so abrasive that my bleeding spirit looks so ugly to me that i hide
mostly stone fruit (i love stone fruit and toy with the idea of being a fruitarian every summer until stone fruit season ends)
we bought heirloom trees from Koanga - i beleive that there is a powerful energy in the old fruit - not bred to look good in a supermarket but to taste good and be good producers in the soil where they have flourished for over 100 years....
as i was watering the trees this morning, in the last of the orange sunrise i felt this surge of hope
planting trees like this
trees that we will need to tend, and prune and nourish - herbal ley coming in spring, comfrey tea brewing....
trees that link me back to the ancestors who came here with hopes and dreams
i see that i have planted them with hopes and dreams
i was seeing the girls and i eating them straight off the tree
imagining making jam
imagining maybe ducks living there
i see that planting something in this way is an act of faith in the future
that i will be around to see the fruition (literally!) of my labour
that i will be doing something that creates a legacy
that by this simple act of digging a hole and planting this peice of magic (what a peice of alchemic magic it is - taking some roots, joining it with budstock, healing that wound and planting it in the soil ... all leading to deep nourishment and joy of the juiciness, in which the seed of the future life of the tree is contained again...
in taking part in this magical cycle i am honouring my life, death, life cycle
and making a gesture of faith in the future
in these times of horror and sorrow (Norway's tragic massacre, earthquakes, tsunami's) this is the most courageous thing i can think of to do...
The colour of the sky *the ocean * Elizabeth and Maeve * people who reach beyond the ordinary * genuine generosity *good food * watching things grow * the miracle of birth *a woman's power *tenderness in all its forms * the cycle of life * courage * people with a sense of fun * compassion * beautiful jewellery * art that is made from the heart - without a view to the purchaser or the market but made because it has to come *Clarissa Pincola Estes * grace
LIKE SANDS THROUGH THE HOURGLASS THESE ARE MORETHINGSTHATITHINK
i welcome you with warmth and love to the thoughts that grab me .... and the way they come out of my fingers when i make the time in my day as a mother and artist and poodle walker to write them down.....