Thursday, February 25, 2010

things i am certain of

that my life is going to change

that i have the power to make that change whatever i choose

that i am blessed beyond measure

that friends matter

that love is the basis of everything

that growing can be painful but that doesn't make it wrong

that spirit moves in all of us

that when you listen to the whispers of your heart the universe applaudes and gives you little presents

when you are genuine - even if you feel ratshit - you will get through it and whatever you genuinely offer out will be accepted... even if it is just that good ole universe applauding some more

give out what you can - you will always get more back

be engaged with what you do

pretty isn't always good but beautiful (which sometimes might be hidden under wrinkles and grey hair and other tricky hiding places) most certainly is

joy is catchy

Monday, February 15, 2010

the tyranny of being right

i am coming to see how the tyranny of being right has been such a force in my life

and such a waste

my relentless drive to do the right thing,

be in the right,

know the right things,

be in the right place,

have the right thing to say,

be right in the fight,

be on the side of right,

know the right people

but constantly answering myself

"Am i right?"

was sometimes my only solace

i could be lonely and heartsore and unhappy

but right was such a comfort

and now i wonder whether it really was...

or was this urge to be right just another "protective" layer (protecting me from what??? change? connection? flexibility?)

and was this protection actually harming me - keeping me rigid and unwavering.

isn't grace the fluidity and effortlessness of being...

who am i to say what is right...

i can say what is right for me ( only for right now, because that to may need to move)

but i cannot say what is right for anyone else

wars have been always about both sides thinking they are right

and the desperate need to prove we are right is separating us not healing...

i might try giving it up

would that be the right thing to do?

Thursday, February 11, 2010

giving and recieving

love in the shape of a potatoe

i have been thinking about giving and recieving today

i have a friend who is in pretty dire straights.

how she holds it together is a deep miracle to me

one of her challenges is poverty and the threat of homelessness

i am in the blessed position of being able to help in small ways.

but she is proud and is holding onto being able to do it herself like a life bouy.

but today i gave her a small something which she almost turned away.

until i said "Consider this the universe, working through me, offering you something with love."

and then she took it.

How often does pride get in the way of the universe working it's magic - when it comes to money, love, any kind of abundance the universe wants to shower on you....

i was always taught to haggle over bills, always give more than the other person, not accept help.

and now i see how limiting that can be.

i hope that the universe sees her up for accepting and begins a big flood of good...

Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Being good enough

there is a squeak deep within me

calling me to be more

a better mother,

a better lover,

a better friend,

a better consumer,

a better artist,

a better meditator,

a better teacher,

a better animal lover,

a better rolemodel,

a better saver,

a better conservationist,

a better listener,

a better groomer,

a better writer,

a better daughter,

a better house cleaner,

a better gardener,

a better reader,

a better thinker,

a better correspondent,

a better eater,

a better breather,

when the words i long to hear,

that when i dare to open my heart's-ears to them

and drink them in to sooth this parched dry picture of who i have become

i become still

and full

and soothed


"It is alright, darling you are enough as you are, you are enough, you are enough...."

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

fullmoon wishboard

inspired by the lovely jaimie ridler

here is my fullmoon wishboard

i want to strengthen my connection with fun, my family, silliness, adventure, Maeve and my creativity

i am also shining my light on these sucesses in my life....thankyou Brandi and Andrea for the inspiration!!!

BigHugeLabs: Do fun stuff with your photos

Posted using ShareThis

Monday, February 1, 2010

guilt for all the good

(my abundance made manifest in the form of marmite and butter toast made for me this morning by my beautiful 9 year old)

sometimes i feel guilt for all the good in my life

my abundance, my health, my wonderful family, my body, my mind, my creativity, my chances, my changes, where i live, my friends, my connection to spirit, the way the universe showers love on me, the way life opens up for me...


it is not always uppermost, but it is there like some wormy larvae digging away at the foundation i build, undermining, consuming...

i have a blessed life (and God/Goddess/All that Is knows i am not tempting fate here)

but i know so many who aren't

i had just come back from the beach after having spent 3 days connected to my girls, seeing them happy and grounded for the first time in ages

and i went to town to buy Willow her first ever pencil case (she's a middle school girl this year) and met an acquaintance whose beloved husband (high school sweetheart) committed suicide this year,
and we spoke about a mutual acquaintance whose son has been struggling with cancer..

then i came home and visited my friend E whose marriage fell apart and her son is in his 2nd year of chemo and whose #%*** ex husband wants to sell the house from under her and whose attempts to resurrect her career are going nowhere

and we heard from another friend who sounds like he has a serious health issue

You get the picture...

and then the worms started munching a bit louder

and i find myself looking around at all the blessings so evident in my life and i wonder how did this happen to me?

I want to share my blessings with them

God knows i want to give E the $30K it would take to buy%#@*** out of the house and heal like Maeve and take away all that crappy cancer and hold J's heart to empty it of some of the agony and fill it with the love i know her husband still carries for her...

but i sit here and hear the worms instead

maybe it is my place to live in abundance and to spread that energy to fill the planet with the sense of possibility and the knowledge that this really is out there for everyone...