committment

it takes committment for me to grow

it takes focussed effort

i can't just flit from one thing to another

as filled with tempting baubles as the internet is

i committ to my creativity

i committ to practising every day

i committ to the juiciest deepest part of myself that has stamped her foot and said enough

i will feed her with the joy that comes from making things that come from my heart - not imitations of the work i admire in others

but my work
my soul
my connection to God, Goddess, All That Is

right there in front of me on the page, canvas, peice of silver

and if in that process other's are moved or touched i am blessed

but selfishly

and gloriously this is a committment to me

My committment and Louise Nevelson

As part of BIG - Connie has asked that we make a committment to ourselves and our participation in this course.

So in front of you, my lovely friends, i make the following committment.

"I, BIG JUICY JANE, MAKE A COMMITTMENT TO MYSELF, TO EXPLORE MY JUICE AND MY HEART'S SONG AND MY POSSIBILITY."

This committment feels right and timely and clean.

I love that i am in the space to make it.

But with it comes whispers of the snivelling smallmaking inner critic who warns me about the outcome of opening to BIG - i will (it seems according to the inner critic) now be faced with the future of running to Acupulco and living in a cat infested shack never to be allowed near my children again...

(yes my critic does have a dramatic streak, but she knows that the urge to break all kinds of boundaries holds me in small)

but i will trust myself to be BIG and wise all at once....

I know that just because i open to creative juice doesn't mean the rupture of the family unit, or life in this house, or life in this body...

i want to see that it is possible to be big and juicy and alive and still be a mother and a wife and a sane member of the community...

So i am investigating artists.

I am opening my heart to the vision and words of others - hoping to listen to the whispers and nudges of my own angels...

And i met Louise Nevelsonand Louise said this

"After a tree is ut down, it is assumed that the tree is dead. It may be the finish of that life as such. But even in that state of matter there's activity, livingness. So there is no death in that sense. There's transformation...Patterns of life change, but the life doesn't change. Life is forever life. Livingness."

i think Louise was talking about her timber... but to me she is talking also about my life... the things that have to die in order for BIG to come alive....


I have been scared, embarking on this committment to myself but i know that even if there is death in this opening of the heart and life, life is forever...