the joy of going with the flow

i have been a controller

keeps me safe

keeps things where i can see them

only really it doesn't in the long run....

i realise that the more i hold on the harder it is...

it is like driving down a really windy hill with my foot on the accelerator hoping it will get safer...

and through a confluence of events - some healing, some reaching out for help, some self care, some creative flow... i find myself letting go.

i haven't made it something to do on my list of things to do - that just makes me more likely to have to control it, schedule it, feel busy about it....

but i have just started...

started trusting that it is a good universe

that i am taken care of

that it is all unfolding as it should

and it really is

and the reflections i see around me are beautiful - warm friendly helpful people, outcomes - even of hard things being beautiful,

this is joyful

and huge!

sending this gratitude out into the universe to warm your day...

the twenty first century really gets to me...

i mean here i am in my little home town

in a country that is considered off the bottom of the map (often doesn't appear on North american TV maps)

and i am caring about people all over the planet

and they are caring about me....

and my friend is having her breast removed today with all sorts of computer technology assisting the doctors and nurses caring for her

and the people on the other side of the planet are caring about her too...

and i can ring them any time i want

and although we use the opposite sides of the clock we are connected

and i know that what we all send out for Penny means she is stronger ...

and that what we send out resonates even at a cellular level...

and i know that has always been that way

but that the 21st Century is allowing us to understand it in a measurable way (cos understanding it at an emotional level just aint enough for some of the bods on the planet)

and knowing and understanding are catching up to each other...

it just feels big!!!!!

******God/Goddess/all that is Bless Penny*********

today i was thinking about a grumpy woman i know

she always has the whistle
she scares people
she criticises
she sees fault
she can be quite mean

and i can be and do all of those

and i know the mirror i look into shows me how isolating
terrifying
world shrinking
that is

and i will hear that echo next time

so thankyou Grumpylady... although i would be way too scared to say it to your face....

thankyou

the power of words

the thing is ....

i have been going to a painting class for over 18 months...

i have come to a place of great stuckness... where i feel the gap between my vision in my head and what appears on the canvas is huge...

dissatisfying

dismaying...

so today on the glorious SARKforum i affirmed that i was energetic and competant...

(thinking in relation to painting....building my competancy)

and you know what - i turned out my best one yet!

the thought was planted...

i was focussed on the possibility of the work turning out well

and it bloody well did!!!

yay for words

YAY FOR ME!!!

the menstrual monster

has me by the throat...

shaking me slowly and vigorously back and forth

my brain is addled

i drop stuff

i bang into stuff

i feel constantly tired

i am crotchedy

i think this is because i miss the red tent.

i mean we are all supposed to be living in communities... not suburbs with chasms between the houses... and when we women get in synch we all go (with lots of good food) into the red tent... we eat, we laugh, we cry, we sleep, we are engaged when we need to be, and disengaged when we need to be...

and when it is done, we go back to the rest of our lives and do...

but while we are bleeding, we just be....

i miss that ...

i possibly would just get all bitchy and sick of the others and wish i had my own house... but part of me just aches for that time....

the rune i just got pulled for me by the lovely middle

Ingwaz signifies completion, success and fertility.

Your present ambitions are about to be met. You are fecund in both mind and body.

Ingwaz is named for the Norse hero-god Ing, who came from across the sea to unite his people of Viking Jutland, and returned whence he came leaving peace and harmony.

Ingwaz representing Ing therefore symbolises peace, unity, harmony, agreement, togetherness and undying love between romantic partners. It portends completion, the certainty of a conclusion.

This could include the male orgasmic force, or birth as the conclusion to pregnancy. Ingwaz is associated with healthy, wholesome sexuality, a strong, affectionate family, and a safe, secure hearth and home.

It also symbolizes protection, and contains the idea of a beacon, a light shining in the darkness, and therefore, spiritual inspiration. On your spiritual path you may feel isolated, but within you burns the fire of inspiration urging you onward and upward. Feed the fire by perseverance. Seek answers but don't get encumbered with irrelevant questions.

Live one day at a time, knowing that the past is just a memory, the future just a dream, and the here and now is what matters.

due to my chronic technical ineptitude and constant memory loss this is my new blog!!!!

i hope i entertain myself and you with the thingsithink