RESISTANCE AND WORK AND WISE WORDS

Thank you all for echoing the heartfelt whimpers i put out in my last blog post....

feeling shame around persuing my creative dreams sends me into a tailspin of martyrdom that is so familiar and yet so damned toxic i should be glowing in the dark right now

truely words like the ones you left help to point my compass again..

you are my iron filings

i wanted to come back and offer you the salve that the universe gave me in the guise of the words of Steven Pressfeild's The War of Art.

"When a writer begins to overcome her Resitance- in other words, when she actually starts to write- she may find that those close to her begin acting strange. They may become moody or sullen, they may get sick; they may accuse the awakening writer of "changiing", of "not being the person she was." The closer these people are to the awakening writer, the more bizarrely they will act and the more emotion they will put behind their actions.
They are trying to sabotage her.
The reason is that they are struggling, conciously or unconsciously, against their own Resistance. The awakening writer's success becomes a reproach to them. If she can beat these demons, why can't they? "

thank you Mr Pressfeild.

Now to be able to hold onto that thought when my shame at not being all things to all people washes over me and throws me deep into the ocean of martyrdom....

reverb 10 from my older wiser self

Author: Jenny Blake
Life After College: The Complete Guide to Getting What You Want
@jenny_blake
Prompt: Future self. Imagine yourself five years from now. What advice would you give your current self for the year ahead? (Bonus: Write a note to yourself 10 years ago. What would you tell your younger self?)

Well honey

You are embarking on 2011 and i have already been there - i won't tell you what happens because i know you love surprises..

there will be some

but all i want you to know is that you have the tools, the equipment, the mettle to meet them... surprises and all

enjoy your skin - you think you are wrinkly now - ha!
enjoy your girls - they are now in high school and all the attendant joys will make you look on those days - swimming in their undies in the river, coming for cuddles in the bed early every morning seem like an idyll...
enjoy the small things that swell your heart with gratitude - they are your friends and will always be with you

you are loved and guided safely my dear

love Jane
ps stick with the clevedge pledge ok?

reverb10 Appreciate

my splendid and much loved hill

Author: Victoria Klein
27 Things to Know About Yoga
@victoriaklein

Prompt: Appreciate. What's the one thing you have come to appreciate most in the past year? How do you express gratitude for it?

this year i have continued to appreciate that i live in paradise... i express that by constant gratitude for the green out my window, the birds i can hear, and boring my internet friends silly by going on about it.

the thing i have come to appreciate most is that life requires courage.

That is, if i am to live the life of my dreams i need to risk failure.

i need to be free from the need to be right.

i need listen to my intuition and my heart.

i need to hear my deepest longings as a call from the divine and that all the divine asks from me is to take a big breath

and leap

and i will always land safely (there may be a few bruises and scrapes but i always heal too)

i give thanks for this by being more and more courageous

by being more and more willing to leap

and more and more adept at landing in the middle of wonderful.

REVERB10 - DAY 1 and 2 :-)

i am sometimes a bit of a slow starter

like catching onto the idea that i am a creative being (at age 45)

but it is the starting that counts

and i see the cool kids are doing this project called REVERB10

and having words for the year has been a powerful force for change in my life

- 2 years ago my word was adventure - that year i went to Borneo

this year my word has been congruence - and i am much more on the outside what i feel on the inside...

so the prompt for day 1 of reverb10 is

December 1 One Word.
Encapsulate the year 2010 in one word. Explain why you’re choosing that word. Now, imagine it’s one year from today, what would you like the word to be that captures 2011 for you?
(Author: Gwen Bell)

2010 in one word is shift - i have shifted more into the life i desire, i have shifted into my powerful truth

i see (pottymouth that i am) that that word contains shit and f - i think i have told a lot of shit to f off in my life and that seems appropriate too!

one year from today - 2011 Decemeber - i am sitting at my computer, the girls should be getting ready for school, am i am looking outside at green ... and i see this years word is gratitude

i know that living in deep gratitude for the treasure of life, family, abundance, this beautiful planet allows me to experience more of the magic of synchronicity, the calling of my deeper purpose, love and wonder to flow in

who wouldn't want more of that.....

day 2's prompt is
December 2 Writing.
What do you do each day that doesn’t contribute to your writing — and can you eliminate it?
(Author: Leo Babauta)

i don't write everyday because i don't make space for journaling... i could make space but then it becomes one more thing on the list of things to do -

i like the way this blog is there for me when i want to express something i have been chewing over in my heart...

so i think that is fine...

Things that make my heart sing, my soul shine, that fill me with JOY and GRACE

So the prompt for this came from the fabulous CHOOKOOLOONKS on her post on own your beauty: Authenticity

the things that fill me with joy are...
my children
their laughter
the sunshine
the amazing place i live
the ocean
laughing til my stomach hurts
feeling naughty
watching something grow
watching something creative emerge from my hands
seeing a universal truth expressed in a creative work
good clothing
texture
animals
purring cats
shells
good food
COLOUR
taking a photograph that holds the essence of what made me reach for the power to capture it
words written in a state of grace
juice
fruit
friends
generosity
courage
honesty
shadow
my husband when he is proud of me
dolphins
using something i have made
having my hair brushed
whales
sark forum
making a connection with someone's truth and their heart
warmth
a comfy bed
people who genuinely love me

blessings of details

my blessings are many

my trials are few

some dark days i find it hard to hold onto these perspectives

but as i swim

the water is cold, the darkness beneath me is full of an ominous hard to resist downward pull

but i resist

and some days that resistance is all i can do

and i see those small things - like the thrush on the grass, or the patch of daisies, both of them being so beautiful, so complete, so whole, so achingly perfect

that the balance shifts and i feel more able to resist...

the joy of going with the flow

i have been a controller

keeps me safe

keeps things where i can see them

only really it doesn't in the long run....

i realise that the more i hold on the harder it is...

it is like driving down a really windy hill with my foot on the accelerator hoping it will get safer...

and through a confluence of events - some healing, some reaching out for help, some self care, some creative flow... i find myself letting go.

i haven't made it something to do on my list of things to do - that just makes me more likely to have to control it, schedule it, feel busy about it....

but i have just started...

started trusting that it is a good universe

that i am taken care of

that it is all unfolding as it should

and it really is

and the reflections i see around me are beautiful - warm friendly helpful people, outcomes - even of hard things being beautiful,

this is joyful

and huge!

sending this gratitude out into the universe to warm your day...