bad days

bad days suck

i had one yesterday - a fight with my daughter (which was really a fight with myself) before i even got out of bed - she wanted me - i had too much to do before school....

(and of course now i regret it - how many more days will there be that she wants to lie in bed and cuddle and draw and read books with me like it is the best thing in the world to do???)

then i busted a necklace

found out i will have to do a little more work to get to see turtles in Malaysia (helllloooooo brain i am going to Malaysia for Goddess' sake can i not just see how wonderful that is and get immediately pants-peeish-excited????)

things just kept going wrong - cows in the friend's driveway, children i was supposed to be lookiing after almost run down by a runaway horse, new filling starting to hurt, clonking my daughter straight in the nose with my elbow (which may be the pointiest elbow in the world - yet to be confirmed by the Guiness book of Records) then standing on her toe......

do you need to hear more????

there is more but too dreary to continue with...

and i felt poopy

and i acted poopy sometimes

but now that i am here with the computer and the cat on my lap - (quite a feat)

and the safe distance of a good night's sleep between the shit day and me

i see all the blessings there too... being able to to say sorry and model that to my girl

being able to reach out to my husband and have him reach tenderly back

being able to see my children's behaviour is not always the most irritating behaviour on the planet... etc etc

that i have health surrounding me - (both lots of children i was looking after needed to be with me because of cancer in their family)........

and now i sit and i think about how it is a new thing for me to be OK about feeling poopy while poopy is happening...

i tried for so long to Polly Anna my way out of it ... to see the good

but i think that is inauthentic - and turning away from authentic AAAARGH just prolongs it

being real allows the truth to flow on by

and the tide to turn

and the good to come floodiing in (it's raining AGAIN here so water metaphors are called for!)

and today... well it is a gooooood day!