while i am thinking about measuring...

i realise that while i am measuring i miss out on what is actually happening

for example

while i was reading the girls' reports i realised i was measuring in my head how many other children in the class would have similar results

how much better L would have done

whether L got the same result for that ...

on and on the measuring went in my head until i realised that what i was doing was cheating my girls out of the authentic pride i had in what they achieved

i was cheating myself out of honouring their efforts

and their growth

and their achievements

all this sodding measuring was robbing me of the very things i want to achieve in life

connection

tenderness

love

acceptance

belonging

joy

i feel ashamed to admit these ugly measurings here... but they bubble up from some deep place in me (the hungry hominid wanting their share of the mammoth at the fireside???)

but they are part of me so i will love them and see them

and talk with them next time "I see you measuring, i hear your need but i choose love instead"

Let's see how they like that....

PS I HAVE BEEN UNABLE TO COMMENT HERE FOR THE LONGEST TIME
PLEASE KNOW I REALLY LOVE AND APPRECIATE YOUR COMMENTS AND HAVE ASKED BLOGGER FOR HELP.....