RESISTANCE AND WORK AND WISE WORDS

Thank you all for echoing the heartfelt whimpers i put out in my last blog post....

feeling shame around persuing my creative dreams sends me into a tailspin of martyrdom that is so familiar and yet so damned toxic i should be glowing in the dark right now

truely words like the ones you left help to point my compass again..

you are my iron filings

i wanted to come back and offer you the salve that the universe gave me in the guise of the words of Steven Pressfeild's The War of Art.

"When a writer begins to overcome her Resitance- in other words, when she actually starts to write- she may find that those close to her begin acting strange. They may become moody or sullen, they may get sick; they may accuse the awakening writer of "changiing", of "not being the person she was." The closer these people are to the awakening writer, the more bizarrely they will act and the more emotion they will put behind their actions.
They are trying to sabotage her.
The reason is that they are struggling, conciously or unconsciously, against their own Resistance. The awakening writer's success becomes a reproach to them. If she can beat these demons, why can't they? "

thank you Mr Pressfeild.

Now to be able to hold onto that thought when my shame at not being all things to all people washes over me and throws me deep into the ocean of martyrdom....

blessings of details

my blessings are many

my trials are few

some dark days i find it hard to hold onto these perspectives

but as i swim

the water is cold, the darkness beneath me is full of an ominous hard to resist downward pull

but i resist

and some days that resistance is all i can do

and i see those small things - like the thrush on the grass, or the patch of daisies, both of them being so beautiful, so complete, so whole, so achingly perfect

that the balance shifts and i feel more able to resist...