being vulnerable

being vulnerable has always seemed to me to be a little like a beaten dog,

rolling over, showing your weakest point,

saying here i lay myself out to you, to your power.

I am only worth being lower than you.

But i am growing to realise that when i am vulnerable and in integrity i am so deeply powerful.

Vulnerability doesn't mean relenquishing my power.

It means honouring my truth and where my weakness is as a part of the wholeness of me

It means honouring my value as a human being - even a weak, tender, flawed human being.

It means i am not surreptitiously competing with you - trying to prove i am better

It means i am allowing you the chance, offering you permission to be in your weakness and feel whole,

and in that honouring we become stronger and more loving towards ourselves,

and more compassionate towards others,

and the vulnerabilities they work so hard to hide.

creativity - the dangerous friend

do you ever feel like creativity can be a dangerous friend?

you know like the one at school that always seemed more streetwise

who would smoke in the feild at school

who would have sex because it felt good

who would know more than the teacher

and let them know it.

I feel like a bit of a sychophant to creativity at the moment.

I talk about her and think about her alot.

I do courses to find out more about her.

I feel like i have a crush on her.

But this wanting to be friends with someone more knowing than i am, more adventurous than i have been,

someone who will lead me away from nice and pretty and tidy

into places where dark things lurk

has me on edge...

literally i am on the edge of stepping onto another place to stand

what will i find?

what will come with me?

what will i leave behind?

and how will i feel inside my life when i have recovered my footing after such a big leap?

The phrase "naked and bleeding on the Jericho road" from Maevensong seems most appropriate... and runs over and over in my head

i just hope creativity is prepared to take me into her temple and bathe my wounds in the spring like Maeve

and not leave me in the middle of the school quad, looking like a dork, with all the cool kids laughing at me....