On my holiday i went to

Napier - sunny blossomy glorious Napier where we ate at the Church restaurant and toasted marshmallows on the beach and rollerbladed down the Marine Parade

and Ruapehu - sacred mountain where we made snowmen and got snow down our undies (low rider jeans - such a fashion statement and a bumcrack disaster waiting to happen)

it was marvellous

and i missed you

holiday

i am off with the family for a holiday - i am hoping to fill my cup

i will come back brimming i hope

and i will miss you

ps i didn't win the free spots on the course but enrolled anyway! Maybe i will see you there xxx

its HOT and JUICY people!!!

that dynamo at DirtyFootprints Studio, Connie Hozvicka has gathered together some marvellous maevens of mixed media (and other art but i couldn't resist the alliteration) and created



it is an amazing collection of spirited and talented hearts who will open their passion and get your art journaling juices flowing

just go to the link below and see what i mean


http://www.dirtyfootprintsworkshops.com/2008/09/21-secrets-art-journal-playground.html


OK CONFESSION

I am not just writing about this because i am a Connie-o-phile - any one who reads this blog regularly will know that already...

I am writing this because it gives me the chance to enter the competition to win two places on the workshop

one for me

and one for one of you -

YAHOOOOOOO

So part of the entry is that i get to talk about the 3 people i really wanna learn from - now that is just too stinkin hard - mainly because there are friends teaching on there from BIG and of course i wanna learn from them - they are juicy and gorgeous and their ideas are remarkable, and i like hanging out with them.... so that makes me biased so i will go for someone else (sorry my honeys but i had to choose)

and i choose...
JET-SET JOURNALING: SOUL JOURNAL STYLE
TRAVEL JOURNALING FOR ARTISTS ON THE GO
Sarah Whitmire :: Soul Journaling
(we are going to the South Island for the Christmas hols this year and i have already been thinking about what toys the girls will need to leave behind to get my art gear in the van!! :-P kidding (just))

EVERYTHING BUT THE KITCHEN SINK:
USING COMMON HOUSEHOLD ITEMS IN YOUR ART JOURNAL
Heidi Newstrand-Dilley :: Heidiology

Well i am an old hippy at heart so i am all for making the old and used beautiful... i know people say upcycling nowadays but hey - i am an old hippy!

and lastly
CONVERSATIONS WITH SELF: LETTERS FROM YOUR INNER CHILD
Angelia Thompson :: Angelia's Art Journals

i had a very powerful encounter with my inner small Jane yesterday and i think she has a lot (see how i did that Meg??) to say... and i wanna hear her...

so there it is - our chance to win

also if we don't win it is still our chance to join up with what promises to be something bloody marvellous....

cross your fingers

happy birthday Auntie Glen

this is the present i made for Aunty Glen, the glamourous one taking the shot, she is my favourite aunty and turns 80 this week...

kind, loyal, thoughtful, smart, funny, generous and loving

Happy birthday

things that need to die

i did this as a journal page - i was experimenting with the masking tape being ripped up on the page and when i finished they looked like the little crosses that litter our roads...

memorials to the spot where people's lives ended

i am not alone in being a bit freaked out by death

the end of life as a breathing talking walking entity....

i used to be so scared of it i couldn't garden - growing my own veges meant i had to kill something in order to eat it...(Roald Dahl and his story about screaming plants really has a lot to answer for!)

now i see how death is part of life

the leaves that fall generate food for the plants to come

the lives of those who pass are never forgotten by those who love them and who are left...

I also realise that patterns in my life that seem natural are as ephemeral as anything and that in order for new nourishment some of them need to die

and so this page became a list, a memorial to things that i see that need to die...

like ...Self judgement

like... Being too busy

like... vicious self talk

like...feeling responsible for everything

like... feeling ugly

each little arm of the cross holding the energy for the soon to be departed feeling or pattern...

they have served me well

but long may they rest in peace

snatching a sense of powerlessness

today i have felt powerlessness
Powerlessness over natural processes

my lovely 7 year old woke at 4am with a bad dream

tears on her face she came into our bed and i didn't get back to sleep. I knew i would be tired and jumpy today - the flu has seduced my energy reserves away - they are feeling each other up behind the bikeshed i am sure - and i felt overwhelm at all i had to do on too little sleep.

the more i worried and tried to sleep the harder it got. i had no power to make sleep happen so i rested there, between my husband and my little girl, still clutching my hand and felt the immense gratitude of surrendering to that... that moment that i hope i remember when my baby is a seething mass of hormones...

Powerlessness when you are ill equipped
then we woke up to have a sick and sore little lamb... nothing i could do right then would ease her pain, or the anxiety and fear my eldest felt. Simon thought i should wait, should ask for advice. But i realised i had no power without help to fix it, so i rang the vet, who arrived straight from bed to administer some gruesome but effective treatment. Surrendering to my incapability and not struggling to bash on saved Ripple's life.

Powerlessness when you are scared

I had to go for a repeat boobultrasound today (running the word together makes it seem less scary so humour me)

They asked me to get there 10 minutes early - i arrived on time for the appointment but not 10 minutes early. I think they thought "ha! we'll fix you". There were no other patients, this is a private clinic so no urgent cases rushed through the door. So they made me wait for 20 minutes in a cubicle with a gown that wouldn't secure (my daughter too distraught by the lamb trauma was in the waiting room). Then she scanned me huffing and sighing. I didn't ask any questions - i was upset. Then they made me wait another 15 minutes after the scan was done.

i feel mad. I feel violated. I feel dehumanised by the waiting by the lack of communication by the ill fitting gown, by the threat to my health. All of a sudden i am not Jane with the rather lovely boobs but i am that woman who is late who has the odd complex cysts....i composed phonecalls to the manager, letters to the editor... all witty and erudite of course...

Well crap - i am surrendering that too... all of it - i am snatching back the sense that there is nothing i can do about this system's lack of compassion. I am not responsible for their behaviour. it is out of my control. i am powerless to be their monitor. I choose to take a sense of powerlessness.

Not that i don't think for a minute that i am powerless - o lordy no - i have power in ever second that i live and breathe to make the life and the world i want. But i choose to not be putting my precious heart in the machine they have created.

i nestle back into the knowledge that i am swept along on this stream of universal love which directs me with my utmost good in mind.

I surrender to that trust and that releases me in so many ways.

Mostly it releases me into stillness.

Which is just where i want to be.

it's raining

letting the rain wash away
the busy-ness
the shoulds
the timeli-ness
the coulds
the tired-ness
the woulds
the dirt of life and roles and all the pressures those lies make
that lay heavily on the door
to the truth