Monday, February 1, 2010

guilt for all the good

(my abundance made manifest in the form of marmite and butter toast made for me this morning by my beautiful 9 year old)

sometimes i feel guilt for all the good in my life

my abundance, my health, my wonderful family, my body, my mind, my creativity, my chances, my changes, where i live, my friends, my connection to spirit, the way the universe showers love on me, the way life opens up for me...


it is not always uppermost, but it is there like some wormy larvae digging away at the foundation i build, undermining, consuming...

i have a blessed life (and God/Goddess/All that Is knows i am not tempting fate here)

but i know so many who aren't

i had just come back from the beach after having spent 3 days connected to my girls, seeing them happy and grounded for the first time in ages

and i went to town to buy Willow her first ever pencil case (she's a middle school girl this year) and met an acquaintance whose beloved husband (high school sweetheart) committed suicide this year,
and we spoke about a mutual acquaintance whose son has been struggling with cancer..

then i came home and visited my friend E whose marriage fell apart and her son is in his 2nd year of chemo and whose #%*** ex husband wants to sell the house from under her and whose attempts to resurrect her career are going nowhere

and we heard from another friend who sounds like he has a serious health issue

You get the picture...

and then the worms started munching a bit louder

and i find myself looking around at all the blessings so evident in my life and i wonder how did this happen to me?

I want to share my blessings with them

God knows i want to give E the $30K it would take to buy%#@*** out of the house and heal like Maeve and take away all that crappy cancer and hold J's heart to empty it of some of the agony and fill it with the love i know her husband still carries for her...

but i sit here and hear the worms instead

maybe it is my place to live in abundance and to spread that energy to fill the planet with the sense of possibility and the knowledge that this really is out there for everyone...



  1. I think your "maybe" is right.
    You deserve your abundance.

  2. i don't know about deserving - would that imply reward for good behaviour? Coz i sure know that all those other people don't deserve the tribulations they are facing....all i know is there are blessings in my life and hardship in theirs....((((((((((((mollie))))))))))))

  3. I'm fairly certain you have faced turmoil and want in your life. There must have been times when you wondered how you could get through? Maybe you represent *possibility* to those who are finding and seeking you for your positive life presence now...

    Breathe and to you today.

  4. I know just what you mean, and I often have those worms munching away myself. I once wrote a haiku in answer. I offer it to you, dear Jane.

    Don't dim your joy
    you might be a distant star
    on someone's dark night

  5. truely thankyou for the love mollie dharma and Elizabeth i am inspired and uplifted (that is a hackneyed word but i really mean it....)

    found this today which also works for me

    "We have a spiritual responsibility to be consciously grateful because that energy's frequency flows from us and assists in our own healing, our brother's and sister's healing, and ultimately the healing of the planet, our EarthMother." - Louise Hay

  6. I was just thinking a thought and then I read the thought in your last paragraph. Perhaps you *are* meant to spread your light, your joy, your abundance of spirit and blessings into a world dark and despairing. Without the light beings, where would this old world be?