Thursday, November 25, 2010

Pike River

To all those who lost loved ones,

live in the community where the men lived,

to the team mates who will miss that man at the next game,

and the next,

to the parents who watched their beloved child grow into a strong capable man

and who are weeping now not being able to have protected them, their baby, from this

to the unborn children who will not know their father,

to the children who knew their fathers and realise what they have lost,

to the partners who will roll over to hold their man and weep.

To the mine owners who tried, and failed,
and have to live with that.

To the rescue workers, knowing with each hour that passed their role was less
and less likely to be victorious.

To the drillers who had to temper desperation with sense.

To the empaths who see that pain and feel it echo in their bodies.

To my coal mining Grandad who was watching all this with sadness i am sure.

Today i make my girls' beds, and lunches and vacuum the floor in full gratitude for all the blessings i experience without knowing, but glimpse,
through the tradgedy of these men,
that these little things,
the sweeping of a floppy fringe off a forehead
the extra kiss at night
the smile in my heart as i see my girls walk in to school

these are the things that i would miss.

Kia kaha

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Sunday, November 21, 2010


I think Kali is working by my side right now....

Gently blowing her breath of change into my life

This painting (not yet finished) has been the evidence of a huge shift.

She was the second portrait that i started from my course with Connie Hozvicka of DirtyFootprints Studio. I was working with all the tips for making things look realistic... the colours the placement of the eyes....

and then i looked at her neck and saw that it looked like a tree... and then something compelled me to make the roots, the leaves...

the sensible voice in my head was saying "this is going to ruin it" "That is just making it ugly"

but something else - i like to think courage - kept my hand moving - making flesh coloured leaves, fleshy coloured tendril roots...

I kept thinking about the concept of Homoempathicus... and how this painting seems to speak of my sense of our connection to nature - of plants as living sentient creatures, of our need for interconnectedness to the planets beings of all kinds....

i felt alive

i felt excited

and then yesterday i went to see "Eat, Pray, Love". I was touched by many parts of it - but the part that dropped into my belly like a stone was when Elizabeth Gilbert was sitting in the catacombs under Rome and realised how the life of this ancient structure was guaranteed by the ruin it had undergone. That ruin had lead to it being reinvented as other things

Ruin is the way to transformation.


this seems unutterably HUGE to me right now

Kali your breath is hot in my ear.

Thursday, November 18, 2010


Once a month I find the path to the light increasingly difficult to see.

It may appear from the outside that I am more irritable, more difficult, too much and not enough all at once.

And sometimes that is how it feels on the inside too.

But I also see, with my wisest self, that what I am in those times of turmoil is also closer to the deepest truth.

That being ON and being around others is tiring for me.

That hanging a do not disturb sign and going within is a healthy response for me.

That being a bear that has to hibernate once a month (as opposed to just over winter) allows me to be the fierce protector, tree shaker, creator, I am in the rest of my days.

So ROAR and see you tomorrow when my time in the cave is no longer so necessary…

As an aside I am sure that my consumption of a whole bag of potatoe chips is warranted if I am hibernating for the day right… a bear has gotta have something to come and go on!

Wednesday, November 17, 2010

ok i am showing some of my things

what you don't see are the broken saw blades and the swearing and the sweat and the mistakes

but i have been making silver things

and painting furiously....

Monday, November 15, 2010

i have been in light and in dark


i have been absent from here because i have been beavering away in my work space... do you wanna see?
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Monday, November 1, 2010

the one thing

the one thing that is true about me

about my life

about my presence on this planet

the only thing that is true

is that i breathe in

and i breathe out

all the imaginings, worryings, ponderings, scrabblings, woundings, disagreeings, fallings, flyings....

all of them come from a place that i manufacture.

they are thoughts.

and thoughts are not real.

all that is real is,

breathing in


breathing out.

some days it helps me to remember this.