Showing posts with label truth. Show all posts
Showing posts with label truth. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

thoughts for the new year


i am beginning to consider2011

(thanks in large part to reverb10) what i would like to draw to me

what i would like to release

and i think i would like to release the need to be seen

it interferes with my honest expression of my self into the world

i consider what others will think constantly

i am unable to allow my expression to be satisfying unless it is lauded outside of me

i am unable to let my offering be complete and satisfactory just as they are, without acclaim or praise

i want to be able to speak my truth and have it be enough

all on its own.

the need to be seen is about not feeling worthy enough inside myself to provide validation for myself

is about not believing in my truth enough to have it rest in its own perfection without the approval of others

it is time for this to die now...

it is time to be free

Monday, August 3, 2009

TELLING OUR STORIES


i don't usually use capitals

but the title is in capitals today because more and more i am being prodded to see how essential stories are in our lives.

when i say essential i mean life saving.

not some pretty little add on that you can only make time for if you are a child, or you have a child, or you are a librarian...

but stories are ESSENTIAL, CRUCIAL, VITAL.

We are truely genetically programmed to learn through stories - that is how we learnt as cavemen... we sat around the fire, cramming mastadon into our gobs and hearing about how it was only by creeping up slowly that Ug managed to get close enough to get a good shot...

and so we learned and it was easier next time...

We passed myths from generation to generation because within them lies the meat of our souls...

the clues to the building blocks of who we are as humans

the blueprints for how we get out of sticky messes

of how we are not alone

and that is the crux of it for me...

So many of us in the Western world feel alone.

There are many ways to reach out (which is exactly what i do when i type away here on my couch in New Zealand... hoping to be heard)

and technology can aid that

but the power of story is being lost...

but i was blessed with a storyteller Grandad

and to meet Tanya Batt, a New Zealand Storyteller..
http://www.imagined-worlds.net/DisplaySite/ and learn from her about how story is like a stool with 3 legs - one the story, one the story teller and one the audience... how these need to balance and accomodate each other... how it is dynamic and alive -



and TV - as engaging as some stories on there can be (damn it, i even cry at some advertising) it is not alive in that same way...



and now we don't sit around the fire and just tell the story of our day, or the story our grandparents told us...we lose that path to learning - that connection to each other through our humanity....



i had a miscarriage 3 years ago.



It was inutterably sad.



But it was only when i was open about my grief, and our loss that others opened up. I heard how i wasn't alone mourning a child i would never hold in my arms. And within the space of sharing that story both myself and the others i shared with could truely comfort each other. And some of those wounds were decades old, and had never been heard, let out in the light before....



And i hear about people who have a crisis of confidence in their own lives and make radical and often painful changes. And i think if only they spoke to me - i could tell them it is not just them who question so deeply, digging into their souls, that the ordinary parts of their lives seem, for a time at least, meaningless...and then with all that digging new things grow...



And i spent some time with my beloved friends yesterday - people i have formed a bond with, people i don't see every day, but who hear my soul when it talks, or cries or jumps for joy...



And we told our stories.



We were authentic.



Some of it was painful, some hilarious.... but we became joined by our truths and that although we live radically different lives, the same threads of humanity run through our stories, our longings, our secrets, our dreams, our lives both seen and unseen.



this is part of the gift of authenticity, of clarity



but it also the key to being human



Please tell your story.



and thankyou for hearing mine.

Sunday, May 3, 2009

sometimes what my head says just isn't true


sometimes i hear a lot of crap about myself coming from inside my head...


i mean the sort of crap that really doesn't help me


you are not good enough


you don't deserve


you are a failure


i am blushing as i type this ... it makes me feel so vulnerable to have it out there in cyberspace...but really how much more damage can it do than when i have it rolling around in my head, smashing up against my tender soul, scraping edges off my heart???


and then i thought about today...


i woke up with three people who love me beside me (well not all at once - it is a moderately slow process of children leaving beds, husbands returning in great white hunter style with hard fought for cups of tea, cats finding the best place in the middle of it all, books retrieved and read out loud...)


i got up and went to the park,(with two rubbish bags and a rake) with my youngest and the poodle to collect autumn leaves for the compost heap....


we made piles and jumped in them, then went exploring over the bridge where i fell in - over my head and walked all the way back to the car dripping and staggering with two bags of leaves like a wet woman compost Santa....


home to a long hot shower, emails from good friends, seeing my children work on projects...


out to visit aging parents and share a bit of children and poodle love around ... listening to choices and versions of the world i feel so relieved i make the choice to avoid.....


watching sky divers drifting down the endless blue sky, shags splitting the still harbour water making ripples and changing the reflections into other worlds...


going to the garden shop and buying seedlings to bring joy and food to my family


coming home to my loving husband seeing our sheep and cat coming to greet us...


and all this - my ordinary, non-guinessbook-of-records-nobel-prize-winning-headline-making life


and i see those voices couldn't be further from the truth