signposts

i have been having a bit of a healing crisis of late... a long slow bubbling of something in me that is making me sit still and rest

and cry with the exhaustion

but i am not a constant blur of action or thoughts or busy

i am sitting

and i am finding that my children and coming and laying on me

i am finding that i am looking at the green out the window

i am finding i am absorbing and not always reflecting the beauty around me

as i was driving to the doctors' rooms yesterday i was in a turmoil

i was aware that i feel like part of me is dissolving and that is slightly scary - unnerving more i think... (*and i am aware of the lurk of cancer in the people around me and want to ward that spectre off and my body is so out of kilter that i keep thinking of big things...*)

but what if the big thing is so amazing - a change so big that my body needs time to prepare and this is preparation

and as i was thinking about this - trying this thought on for size, i drove over Station Road hill, where my beloved grandparents lived and loved me all the days of my childhood

and there was a rainbow

right down flat over the road

and i got to drive through it...

hows that for a magic sign post?