making enemies and the warfare of love

i have inadvertantly made an enemy.

i do try, in my people pleasing way, to make people like me.

i like to be a good person.

i see good in situations.

when i am filled up, by my creativity and my spiritual connection and the beauty of simple things i am strong enough to see my faults and my foibles and be generous with myself and others about these things... generally, all of them wounds.

and recognise that love is the way to meet them.

but i stuck my head above the parapet
i am getting the hot oil treatment

and to continue the medieval warfare metaphor
i am tempted to grab my trebuchet and hurl big rocks back

i am scared
i am hurting

but the bigger part of me - the God/Goddess part of me - quietly reminds me that love is the way to meet them

it is harder to hear these whispers right now - i am in a period of business - trying to do good (and the process is how i got my self into the fightyfight in the first place)

i am not making time to create
or to listen to the voice of God

so it is easier to hear the voice of the combative,defensive,scared little girl inside me

but i am reminded to soothe her with loving words, make her feel safe

get her to put the trebuchet down

to walk away from the war and towards the life that makes my heart sing

to walk away from the feelings that make me crabby and a bitchy Mum (how can i take out my frustration on the people who love me??)

i am reminded to create, to not be out in the world in a way that is motivated by wanting to be see to be good, enough...

and to be authentically in the space that says "this is what you are here for"

and to once again, choose love - self love,love for my family, love for the beauty in the world, love for the injuries others have recieved.

not to be tangled and sodden with the bitterness and fear

but to constantly refocus on the love

and i will be where i need to be.

Enough.
Loving.
Free.