fear

"fear is trapped power"

This quote is bouncing off the sides of my brain.

I am often caught in fear.

Often feeling the prickles of sweat in my right armpit (only one, yes i know it is weird.)

Often feeling my thoughts speed up.

Often hearing the not-good-enough chorus (kind of like the welsh boys choir only a lot less sweet and melodic) burst into their caustic song.

I fear a lot of things, not being enough and not being worthy are usually at the bottom of those fears...

worthiness and enoughness are the foundation of that haunte house of my heart, the cornerstones of the bad feelings that well up.

what if i saw them as the underpinnings of something else.

What if unworthiness and not-enoughness were the signals from my wisest self that i was giving away my power, that i was cheating myself from a chance to be fully and truely present and able to be in my true gifts

what if the sweaty righty, the racing thoughts, the song of the choir of inner meanness were actually all signposts, neon lights, sirens that i needed to stop.

That i needed to step back into myself.

that i needed to check whether the power was leaking/pouring out of me, or offered with true love (self love and love for another)

what if all my fears were about checking in with myself and being true

what if all my fears were just signals to be kind to myself

what if i could open the trapdoor in my heart and instead of fear, power would come out, in all her glorious, splendid, benenevolent wonder.

what if fear was my call to love?