i am in the amazing position of being blessed with the perfect teaching at the perfect time.
or maybe i should say that i am blessed with the awareness that i always have the perfect teaching at the perfect time but often i am too stubborn/scared/in denial to see it.
I am in the process of incubating a very exciting creative dream and am working through this with the help of the amazing Andrea
i have been having all kinds of fears and worries and nebulous bad feelings scratching on my door and that is a bad thing for me.... makes me feel like i should step away from my dream. Makes me think there is danger ahead.
but the work that Andrea has made us do at the very start of the creative journalling course sets us up to look into that and what i have found is the little fulla up the top there....
my inner saboteur is a little muscley feirce looking green dude, horns, long arms, feirce.
Enough to put a good woman into reverse.
But i have found out all he wants to do is protect me. When he smells fear he rushes in to take me away - save me from the scary thing AT ALL COSTS!
Even when the fear is based on good things like;
"i have never done this before."
"I am about to step into my dream - this is big and new."
"i am going to give up the stuff i have learned about myself and take on something new."
He just wants to help.
But in making me back away from the situation that makes me a bit scared he hurts me.
If i back away from the things that challenge me i never grow, i never let good new things in. I turn away from new possibilities because they are different from what i already know (some of which makes me desperately unhappy but i know it so i understand it so it doesn't scare me).
so i chatted with my inner saboteur and we have established a treaty, there has been a document created and everything -
i now solemnly promise to reassure the gremlin each time i am scared and ok, so that he will rest at ease and i can get on with changing my life for the better.
He can still step in when i am scared for good reason (katipo in the toilet, being offered my mother's shepards pie etc)
But he is to stand down when the ok signal is recieved. It makes him a bit sad because he felt so important, but i will let him see how much better things are without him diving in with the selfesteemwhackingstick everytime i experience fear.
and then he and i can get on with creating a better life.
The colour of the sky *the ocean * Elizabeth and Maeve * people who reach beyond the ordinary * genuine generosity *good food * watching things grow * the miracle of birth *a woman's power *tenderness in all its forms * the cycle of life * courage * people with a sense of fun * compassion * beautiful jewellery * art that is made from the heart - without a view to the purchaser or the market but made because it has to come *Clarissa Pincola Estes * grace
LIKE SANDS THROUGH THE HOURGLASS THESE ARE MORETHINGSTHATITHINK
i welcome you with warmth and love to the thoughts that grab me .... and the way they come out of my fingers when i make the time in my day as a mother and artist and poodle walker to write them down.....