Wednesday, June 30, 2010


After my painting class where i was advised to go BIG....
i came up with many reasons why that was not a good idea... (no room, only real artists go big, blah blah blah.)

Then the angels got together and decided to get Connie to make her BIG painting class available

who am i to turn down angels?....

i joined up... feeling all brave and like a big girl....

Connie asked us to write an introduction to the group.

And of course, i wanted to tell the truth (and have everyone like me) seem interesting (and have everyone like me) and be funny (and have everyone like me)... so i wrote this -

Kia ora tatau... My name is Jane and I am a New Zealander who is 45 on paper but thinks she is still 18. I have 2 girls (7 and 9yrs) and a lovely husband, a house with green all around it and a big bespectacled inner critic who is very good at bossing me out of my creative urges....

i have powerful creative urges, which i don't trust as much as i could, squander with lack of focus and commitment and caring too much about what other people think/feel/had for dinner...

It is time for me to get my BIG on, to acquaint myself with fearless ... i know that when i trust i am just one BIG juicy peice of gorgeous so i am here to learn to trust

so good to "meet" you all!

that is the truth. I have been noticing myself doing all those things (especially frittering away time on the computer)

but Connie challenged me

she asked me to rewrite the introduction claiming my big juicy self.

She wants my big juicy self to be on the course... not the little scared one (although she will show up too of course)

i can't tell you the level of disquiet i went through...

Is it telling the truth to leave the scared bits out?
Am i claiming the scared bits legitimately or am i giving myself an excuse?
Dare i claim the juicy bits and put it out there?
What does the claiming of that juice require of me?
Do i have the metaphorical balls?

Part of me offered running away as a choice - "No-one would blame you, who needs to be required to be other than who they are to join a blimmen course?"

But a little voice asked me to just consider the possibility that i am really juicy underneath all that crap,

under the littlemaking voices
the excuses
the self deprecation (and yes i did consider pointing out the cultural requirement of self deprecation to Connie...i am a kiwi afterall!)

i got shaken to my bones...

But i want to claim my juice

i want to sing my song

i want to paint whatever it is that keeps picking at the lock on my brain and my heart....


So i wrote this

The BIG JUICY JANE (heretofore known as BJJ) who is showing up for this workshop is...

I am a woman of indeterminate age who makes you wonder. I am full of creative spark, joy, depth, soul and juice. I nourish myself and others by just follwing my big juicy heart. I am passionate, gutsy and connected to the divine....All of this flows into my work which is not always pretty - but then beauty never is....

I think my critic can go (this part is obscured for the sake of public decency) and should go and find a new job in my life (something useful like vaccuming would be good)- the time for trying to "help" by dimming my light is O.V.E.R

When i start painting, I, BJJ will change the world.

i paint, i am a silversmith, i am a recovering nurse, i am a blogger and a photographer....

so i may now lapse into referring to myself as BJJ from time to time but you'll still love me right???


  1. BJJ ~

    I like/love the second intro MUCH better!!!

    It is NOT lying to leave out the scared bits ~ it IS re-affirming that the big, succulent, juicy Jane is making/taking a stand; roaring to be heard (as she SHOULD be!!); and getting ON with her beautiful life!!!

    However ~ I must admit I AM prejudiced... You are one of the spiritual mentors I look up to, lady, so you can be assured of me being right there, backing you up and celebrating each freeing moment with you!!


  2. Loved this blog!! BIGJUICYJANE - you ARE a woman of indeterminate age who makes one wonder, full of creative spark, joy, depth, soul and juice. You ARE passionate, gutsy and connected to the divine. As you once said to me, You ARE Christmas!! (I say that a lot now -thank you!!)
    And as far as still loving you when you refer to yourself as BJJ - I had to laugh - you're asking someone who refers to herself as the Queen?

  3. Seriously BJJ, look at the women you attract into your realm (lol)....listen to that introduction...both of them. You are a miracle on this planet, alive, large, shining in a bright light only you can emanate....and for you and that I'm thankful. You're so BIG you can't even see yourself close up ;)

  4. Sending you BIG love, BigJuicyJane.
    That second introduction is how I've always thought of you, my dear friend <3

  5. wow, big juicy jane! if only we all introduced ourselves as bodaciously as you! i love this practice you shared and look forward to more of your artwork. i have had a crush on new zealand for 7 years! one of my favorite, magical places! blessings!

  6. my dear friends (and my new one - welcome heartglistenings)

    i am honoured by your tautoko (support) of my new big girl undies on step into the world of BIG

    each of you are shining examples of luscious yourselves... and as i trust your judgement, i will keep on leaping into big



  7. Oh, I'm late to the party! (Fuck this house-hunting dealio - it's interfering with my online life)
    Darling, I love your new introduction, although I also like the first one. See, I dig BJJ and the vulnerable Jane, both. But I must confess I'm very much looking forward to seeing some nice big experiments! There's definitely something very liberating and audacious about the BIG creative ventures.

  8. Hi Jane, Just had a look at the BIG site. I'm very interested. I haven't read it all but will go back later and study carefully. When does/did the course start? I have a large canvas that I keep starting and then I paint over it with white gesso and start something else. I would like to do something I will finish! Hugs, Sue :))