Thursday, May 12, 2011

dismissing, reclaiming and calcification

I spent this morning in the breast clinic getting a repeat mamogram, after they found calcifications there... so i went to the hospital prepared - taking the Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd with me. I read and cried and wrote as i waited with the needle of damocles hanging over my boob...

This book has mainlined it's words right into my bloodstream - i have experienced anger, a welling up, deep sadness i cannot name, powerful feelings of longing and wisdom and connection....

and this is what i wrote in my book in the waiting room (while they were playing Knocking on Heaven's door over the speakers - in a room where women are worried about hearing they have cancer - give me strength!)

I do not want to propogate the myth of the patriarchy for me or my girls.

I want that to stop right here right now.

I want my girls to think they are embraced by he Divine Mother when they think of me. I would like to embody her - a part of her- for them.

I want to dismiss my bishop (Sue Monk Kidd writes about her rule making tyrant in her head as the bishop) and his messages of NOTENOUGHNESS.

I reclaim my feminine path
my intuition
my connection to nature
my deep feeling heart
my interior eyes
my ebbs and my flows
my cycling watery life.

And i Honour that in this world of maleness = rightness I am reclaiming my womanness = rightness

and i gift this to my girls


as i sat thinking about how powerful a change this would work in my life - if i could put my intuition in the driving seat, show the girls how to find solace in stones, trusting the tears and the quiet and the raucous joy... instead of being constantly chastised by my inner PTA Mother "Oh don't do that, that is not normal, you cant think that, that is just weird......."

then as my eyes wandered down the page i found this phrase "calcified bitterness"

what?

"CALCIFIED BITTERNESS"

What am i sitting in an ill fitting gown for? To have calcifications in my left breast examined....

i read again

"Rage or untransfigured anger can become calcified bitterness"

i had the beginnings of calcified bitterness in my breast - my seat of womanhood... ENOUGH - THIS ENDS NOW

Thank you body... that is all the hint i need.... and with that i get the call - ALL IS CLEAR YOU CAN GO...

There is lots of jigggly titty dancing going on in this house tonight!

18 comments:

  1. I am so inspired by this post. I am simply speechless.
    You are so powerful.

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  2. Oh Jane, My joy is overflowing with the thought of you doing the jiggly titty dance around your house. Even more so that you received the "all clear". Yes... I want to join with you in gifting our womanness, the recognition of our feminine path to our daughters...Just beautiful. :)

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  3. You are SO freaking awesome, woman ~
    Love you ~

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  4. fan-freakin'-tastic Jane!!!!!!!!

    love love love!!!

    whoo hoo!

    powerful stuff right there lemme tell ya.

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  5. Oh Jane, your words strike deep into my heart. I feel your profound movement here into a truly beautiful place. Don't let go of this.

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  6. Oh Sweet Goddess,
    What love, what amazingness, what beauty.
    And big soft hugs for you.

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  7. Oh beautiful beautiful woman...I just reflect what you said back to you. There is wisdom in those words that I could not hope to portray by any other comments...thank you for you.

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  8. I am dancing with you! I am so happy and relieved to hear results!

    Beautiful post Jane - yes to reclaiming our feminine strength and passing it on to our daughters!

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  9. ♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ Time for some titty knitting!!!

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  10. Vanessa/VentralviewMay 12, 2011 at 6:55 PM

    So relieved and happy for you about your all clear. And I've just ordered this book-I want to dismiss my bishop, too. Happy dancing! X

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  11. I've been there, waiting for those words "all clear" and thank the Goddess they came.
    your thoughts and words are powerful, you are truly wonderful.
    thank you for these words.x

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  12. I am amazed at all the synchronicity in your day and you managed to keep your sense of humor too! Sometimes life just hits us over the head with "signs" and "messages". Thanks for sharing them with us.

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  13. ((((Jane))))) my most beloved and cherished sister from across the ocean - YES!! YES!! YES!! (That book changed my life by the way)
    This post is like a prayer - one to which I say amen. Your photo (with your tumbling mermaid hair) reminds me of the sea goddess Yemaya - the one who says (with fire in her eyes) "Rise up daughter, rise up. You are sacred and holy and you shall bow before no man."

    I honor the rising - and the tittie dance is an added bonus.

    XXOO

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  14. gorgeous.
    absolutely gorgeous!

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  15. Jane - I am sitting transfixed. I have no words. I am weeping for and with you. To "BE" the mother-spirit, to throw out conventional male=right and embrace the power of the feminine and to SEE that phrase in front of you is so powerful. I am transfixed in this moment.

    Huge AH HA for me. Calcified bitterness. I cannot make you understand how loud this speaks to me.

    By-the-way, your PTA MOM and my PTA MOM should go out together, they'd have a lot of should, would, coulds to discuss.

    "Knocking on Heaven's Door"?????? For all that is merciful....

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  16. I love and admire your deepening wisdom
    and am thrilled about the all-clear <3

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  17. yay for jiggly titty-dancing and the all-clear! Beautiful beautiful post!

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  18. What a sensational post..my heart was leaping out of me...i heard you....I hear you ...with my heart and soul and there is no better news than the news you received....love to you!!

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