Thursday, July 30, 2009

in immense gratitude

i sit, seemingly weightless today...

the big, heavily loaded truck that was barrelling down the road towards me yesterday, rain spraying off the wheels, airhorn blasting...

well it veered off...

and now the road is clear again

i had been prepared for the fact that i may have required radiotherapy...

i may have had sodding cancer

and the test results are back

and they are clear...

the Doc doesn't quite beleive it and is wanting a second opinion, is retesting the sample, is having a second round of tests done...

but i know it is clear...

i had to stay in that place of fear

of seeing my life,

my families' lives completely changed

of revising almost everything

of imagining my funeral (and then rapidly pulling myself back into the now, into pouring healing light into myself, into trusting that life is FOR me and delivers only what i need - and i am pretty bloody sure i don't need cancer!)

i had to stay there in order to come out again...

i had help and love from my family

i had help and love from my SARK forum friends

i had so much reassurance from the love and generosity that i tap into when i feel like i am in touch with the source...

for example

i was walking with the poodle - trying to go about normal life, trying to ground myself, trying to release some of the tension....

but i slipped into how would the girls cope... and how could i prepare them.... feeling heavy and tight and out of my body all at once...

when i saw movement out of the corner of my eye

and i saw a monarch butterfly on the ground (most unusual to see them low down and at this time of year unheard of)

and it gently lifted into the air and moved away...

and it reminded me of lightness

it reminded me of the power of transformation

it reminded me of letting go

and something shifted in me

and here i am

light and released

and oh so bloody grateful!


  1. Surrounding you in a big, squishy hug, with tons of love and light and support ~
    Breathe, my dear friend, and live in the NOW.

    bobbie (from SARK)

  2. i am so grateful for YOU.
    you are a light.

  3. thankyou bobbie - i truely believe that love changed the outcome!

    breathing happily!

  4. thankyou ABC - you have no idea about how much i reminded myself that life was FOR me! How much that shifted my perspective - kept me in the now... and i think, changed the outcome
    big love to you