feeling little

i am sitting here

feeling little

because the person who is precious to me, in the feeling like real family kind of a way is going into surgery on Friday.

and he is scared

and so am i.

i feel little because he was the one who;

always helped me when i was little.

to reassure me to take a chance said things like

"Would i ever hurt you?"

and the answer was an emphatic-deep-in-my-chest no.

and i have to contend with catastrophising and martyrdom and complication

when all i want to do is acknowledge this feeling little and wanting to curl up in his lap and make it all better

for us both