Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Doing it hard

there was a time in my life where i felt like doing it hard was the only worthy way

i have good protestant working class bones

My Grandad left school when he was 13 to go down the coalmines. He had to walk miles to school or share the horse with one of his 12 brothers and sisters.

I learned about working hard for good things from him.

I always made the choice that was more difficult because somehow that seemed more worthy.

If i had to work hard at something, take the more difficult path it would be more valuable.

This was true with everything, work choices, friendships,money, health... EVERYTHING.

And then one day i decided to try another way.

I was exhausted, unhappy, weighed down and harried.

I decided to go to a local osteopath who works with stored memory.

Previously when i went to see Ben, I would want to know every little detail of what he was doing. I would pour over everything, dissect it, imagine scenarios, get mad all over again...in other words, work hard at it.

This time though, I went to Ben and said "There is old shit there and i want it gone. If i don't need to know about it i don't want to i just want it gone"

And releasing myself from the responsibility of having to do that hard work (and the mirale that is Ben Evans!) started a pattern.

I have embraced the possibility that i can take the easier choice and it will be ok.

I find myself in abundance.

I find myself, more and more living the life i want.

I see ease and grace in more of my relationships.

I see ease in my health choices - i am able to listen to my body and my intuition instead of shoulds...

I have learned that sometimes hard is not always good.


  1. don't you love growing up (and growing in)???? love to you sweet Jane :)

  2. i just posted a comment and my computer crashed!
    hope it doesn't show up twice......just wanted you to know i really liked this and related to it. i thought i had gotten this lesson down at one point, but i think some of that old stuff sneaks back in. so thank you for the reminder!!

  3. Love the vibrant colours in that painting, faerian!
    Love this post, as well.
    Every word.

  4. Oh honey, the only good kind of hard is in Javier Bardem's pants. Or perhaps Ewan McGregor's. But that's it. Every other kind of hard is just... hard. But how challenging (HARD) is this to learn? And don't I fucking know it too. I'm so happy that you're feeling more ease, sweetheart. You deserve it.

    P.S: Your painting made this heart skip a little beat for my secret love of paisley! :D