the sea of big feelings

In response to a wonderful post on Creating Wings

i am a big feeler.

always respond to things with strong gusts of emotion, buffetted and sometimes even shifted by them...

which like a plant is tough on a sapling, but as a plant grows that buffetting makes the roots strong, creates a tree which is deeply rooted and strong in it's hold on the planet

those big emotions scare me - mostly because they scare other people. I learned long ago to value the reactions of others over my own. Not to trust the feelings i recieve but to check with others first before i decide.

i am only learning that that approach doesn't serve me. That measuring on the scoreboards of others means i am always playing an "away game". I never have my home crowd support, never play on my own playing feild...don't have a chance to develop my own cheerleader team.

i am discovering i don't need the approval of others to be safe.

If i see these strong feelings they are vast.

They are like a sea. A big sea of feelings.

And i see now that it is safe to float on this sea. I see that my boat can manage those conditions, big waves and all.


It is true that i feel scared sometimes bobbing around in that big sea of feelings but who knows what wonderful lands i might reach if i don't keep myself tethered to other people's shores.