Friday, April 10, 2009

my current obsession

i have been posting with my friends on the Superstupendous SARK forum about people pleasing...

i sound like the ultimate self help book writer's dream...

a new intrapersonal journey to go on and i am there...

maybe that is what needs to satisfy my homebound traveller's heart...

and i am journeying into the realm of my behaviour around being NICE

obsequieous (or however the hell you spell it)

jellylike in the presence of others

considering others more important than myself

not honouring myself

and then feeling bitter

i am exploring this walk.. looking at the markers along the way... seeing the well worn rut it makes in my soul....

and then i am seeing another way.

Where i don't have to be nice for things to work out.

Where kindness and agreeing are not the same things.

where clean is synonomous with honest and honest is honouring ourselves

and in my head i know that the divine is in me - that i am an expression of the divine and everytime i dive into the place where i try for nice rather than true i am sullying the shine in myself...

i want to step away from the saccharine

and i am choosing true....

1 comment:

  1. People pleaser...I was one of those, still am sometimes, when I am not sure or am in a new situation. To be a people pleaser is to say that I am not worthy enough to be...friend, teacher, girlfriend, daughter...just as I am. I had an amazing encounter with God which change my whole perspective.

    I was worshipping one night and I got a very real vision of me sitting on a park bench opposite a fatherly figure who I knew was God. He was laughing at what I was saying - one of those huge belly laughs and then he enveloped me in a huge bear hug and whispered in my ear "It is so good to see you".

    At that moment, I could see I was worthy, just as I am, that I was someone people wanted to know and weren't obligated to know. I had an amazing feeling of love and warmth and realised it was a feeling that others got when they were with me. This was incredible for me because it did two things. It made me a brave friend - someone who was able to be confident in her friendships and it also made me stop needing to please others because I could see that I didn't need to strive - I was okay just as I was.

    I hope this is encouraging to all you approval addicts our there!

    Love, joy and blessings. xxx