jealousy and yearning

For many years i experienced yearning and jealousy

these were the times of my life where i was constantly unsure of myself

trying to please others to feel a sense of worth

i was often filled to the eyeballs with that toxic mix of yearning and jealousy - wanting to be where i saw others standing

longing for what they possessed

or what i imagined they possessed

that yearning and jealousy poisoned me, stultified me, paralysed me.

I inadvertantly found that by taking homeopathically tiny steps in the direction of the yearning i became stronger

with each step more able to step again
and again

and now i find that i seldom feel filled with those bitter juices

and i see that all yearning and jealousy are are signposts to my heart's desires that are dirtied and obscured by lack of self worth, self confidence, vision.